This is one of those blogs that if you know me, you know this story, if you don’t…you’re about to know me a lot better.

I have a beautiful angel up in heaven. A beautiful little girl that became my best friend the first day I moved into a new house. A little girl that today, would be a graduate from a university. A little girl named Sam. Sam is a lot of peoples angel up in heaven and she is an incredible one.

When she became my angel up there, I did not know what to do. I was a kid that barely even knew what death was, let alone what happens afterwards. In the moment my world shattered, and my silent fight with God began. For the longest time I could not grasp why such a beautiful soul was taken from so many people. To this day, I still do not know, and I am realizing I probably never will.

For most, losing someone special feels like the end of the world. Some move on quickly, some move on slowly, and some never move on. All of which are totally okay. I guess I can say I moved on, but I have not healed. There is a big part still very broken. That silent fight with God that I mentioned, that did not end until He sent me on my gap year. Since then I have learned a few things.

Losing someone isn’t easy and it definitely shouldn’t be. It also isn’t something that should cause us to resent the one we lost. Not everyone has lost someone special, and on some days I am super jealous of that. But, most days I am at peace with the fact I have an angel up in heaven. Those of us that do, are very lucky people, even though it may not feel like it.

We have an extra set of eyes to watch out for us. An extra being to nudge us in the right direction so silently we sometimes miss it. We have someone that keeps our feelings in check. Tests them every once in a while to make sure our tears can still fall, the corners of our mouths can still rise, and keeps our memory bank completely active.

We value the life of the ones we love so much more than anyone can know. Only because we know what it feels like to lose one we loved. We love the happy moments and run from that bad ones because somehow they always bring back the day we hate to talk about.

The angels we have in heaven keep us human, and in todays world, I think that is something that can disappear faster than we can say it. Our angels take care of us in ways we won’t ever know. So next time you’re feeling a little mad that your loved one was taken, take some time to remember. Remember the good, remember the answers that just came to you with no explanation. Remember the times of joy you cannot explain. Remember the person, and thank that person for always taking care of you. I promise they are.

“Courage, dear heart.” -C.S. Lewis

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